Goths are meant to be depressed.
That's why their bands are all so bleating
But one thing's missing from their code of honour
And that thing is comfort eating.
Because Goths can't get away with it
The way that normal people do.
I've never seen a 300 pound
Five foot Angel of Death, have you?
I wonder what Angels of Death by Chocolate
Do when they go swimming.
Cause when you look like an Orca whale
Black just isn't slimming.
Not to say it hasn't happened
Robert Smith has his own gravitational pull
And the fat on Amy Lee's face
Looks like stuff you'd spread on a bagel.
But what about your average everyday Goths?
They have no money, it isn't fair.
Amy can get lipo on her head
And Robert can widen his hair.
The girls just bring it on themselves
With short skirts and stripey tights
And a fat Goth with his poet's blouse open
Makes it hard to sleep at night.
A fat Goth is a tragic thing
And people are so unkind.
So if you're turning Goth yourself,
Keep this ancient verse in mind:
Betty Page bangs rarely work
Especially with a double chin
And even the strongest velvet corset
Won't hold a fat Goth's belly in.
BEFORE YOU CLICK:
1. No, I don't think Amy's fat. I think she has a fat head, and that's the closest to a fat female Goth I could find in the media.
2. You officially can't get offended; When I was 14 I was both fat AND a (proto)Goth. Ha!
3. I don't write poetry often. I use this as my quality excuse and also as a reason not to lynch me.